The Importance of Self-Compassion During a Pandemic (And How Being Compassionate with Yourself Benefits You and Your Children)

By practising self-compassion, we learn to accept ourselves where we are now and feel good about it anyway. This approach is highly beneficial during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Lately, I’ve become more aware of how impatient and judgemental I am with myself. I criticise myself for not having enough energy, not keeping up with my emails, not fitting into my jeans, not cooking healthy enough meals for the kids, drinking too much coffee, eating too much chocolate, watching too much Netflix... the list goes on. 

I’m either “not enough” or I’m “too much”.

Maybe you can relate to this. But the truth is, I’ve always been overly self-critical, often using it as a misguided motivation tool to drive myself harder and be at my best.

That’s not a bad thing, right? We all want to be at our best after all.

But here’s the thing. To be at our best, sometimes, the best thing we can do is accept ourselves where we are at... and love ourselves anyway.

This wisdom has become particularly apparent to me, living through a global pandemic where so many things are out of my control and where my old patterns of judgement, impatience, and self-criticism are no longer serving me.

It’s the reason why I began practising self-compassion.

And in today’s article, I want to explain what self-compassion is and stress its importance for both you and your children.

Let’s start with the basics.

What Is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion is a powerful way to deal with stressful situations. It’s about showing the same concern, kindness, and care unto yourself as you would towards a friend.

Typically, we’re crueller to ourselves than to people we care about, and self-compassion is a way around this. It helps make ourselves a part of the compassion circle.

According to research by Kristin Neff, self-compassion includes self-kindness, mindfulness, and common humanity – all of which are necessary for a healthy mindset.

A self-compassionate person is likely to be mindful of their pain and willing to acknowledge the painful emotions rather than ignore them. These individuals typically do not focus on the bad, but rather look at things with perspective. Also, they remember that everyone encounters challenges in life and that they’re not alone.

How Self-Compassion Benefits You and Your Children

Now that you understand what self-compassion is, let’s discuss how it can be beneficial for you and your children.

There are three benefits I want to stress.

Benefit #1 – Creating a Buffer Against Negative Issues

Self-compassion can buffer the negative effects of suffering. People who show self-compassion are less likely to experience anxiety and depression. Other studies focusing on the long-term impacts of self-compassion show that this approach helps reduce the negative effects of stress over time.

The secret with self-compassion is not that people who practice it simply turn off negative emotions and replace them. Instead, they are more willing to acknowledge and experience these feelings as important and valid. Self compassion means we turn towards our own suffering and we seek to soothe that pain or fatigue.

By applying this approach, we strengthen our abilities to cope with difficult situations. This helps explain why people who are compassionate towards themselves are also happier, optimistic, and more satisfied with their lives.

Benefit #2 – Reducing Trauma Experienced During Difficult Situations (Such as the Pandemic)

Through my research, I also discovered that people can face COVID-19-related stress and anxiety in more of a self-supportive way thanks to self-compassion. Showing compassion towards the recurrent uncertainty we all experience during the pandemic creates a sense of emotional safety. This safety is what prevents us from being overtaken by fear.

Other research supports this idea, as multiple studies showed that people who practised a self-compassionate approach felt less traumatised by the pandemic and experienced less anxiety. Another study found that self-compassion can serve both a buffering and bolstering role. It helped people feel less distressed about the pandemic and helped them find the silver linings such as more relaxation time, etc.

All of these findings show how self-compassion can be learned during a crisis and can help promote wellbeing.

Benefit #3 – Showing Compassion to Ourselves Teaches Our Children That They Can Show Compassion to Themselves

Children typically learn from their parents. That means if you practise self-compassion, your child sees this in action and learns that when they are tired/sad/struggling they can soothe themselves through self-kindness and mindfulness. It also means they learn that everyone struggles and that suffering doesn’t mean they are weak or different, it means they are human and like everyone else.

There are plenty of reasons why self-compassion is important for children. To start with, it can help them deal with mistakes, failures, and stressful events in a healthy manner.

For example, your child may feel disappointed for forgetting the lines in a school play. Self-compassion can help them feel better and deal with disappointment in a positive way. They may say something like, “I feel disappointed, but I’m happy I tried my best and will do better next time.”

You can help your children feel secure by nurturing a caring relationship. And there are several ways to foster a better relationship with your children and nurture their self-compassion:

●      Play games that encourage their interests. Whether it’s Lego, jigsaws, basketball, or reading, these activities can let the child know they’re important to you.

●      You can teach your child that it’s okay to experience strong feelings such as disappointment, sadness, fear and frustration. When they have these ‘big emotions’ you can say something like, “I understand why you feel upset, and that’s okay. Things don’t always work out as planned. I have those types of feelings too. Let’s think of some ways to feel better.”

●      Forgive them. We all make mistakes and showing forgiveness to your child teaches them that the bond is not broken even when they do something wrong.Doing this makes it much easier for them to learn from their mistakes and forgive themselves - thus avoiding toxic blame and shame..

●      Show kindness. If your child is struggling with school pressure, find a way to give them a break from school obligations. For example, you can have them choose their favourite meal for the weekend and you can cook it together. Or let them choose a fun activity to do after school and do it together.

●      Praise the child for showing self-compassion. You could say something like, “I saw how you spoke kindly to yourself when you were feeling upset and how you let yourself have a rest, I’m really proud of you for doing that.” .”

Remember, children can adopt self-compassion by watching you. So, the next time your child’s around when things don’t go smoothly, you can be mindful of your reaction. Try to role-model self-compassion and help your children learn that making mistakes is okay, that they should forgive themselves, and that they can try harder next time.

Nurture You and Your Child’s Wellbeing with Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is a great way to deal with negative emotions, including pandemic-induced feelings of stress and anxiety. And by practising self-compassion ourselves, we can transfer the approach to our children. Both you and your child can learn that bad things happen and that embracing the negative feelings associated with stressful events only helps us grow.

By acquiring self-compassion, we allow our children to focus on their strengths, perform better at school, and protect their wellbeing.

Would you like to know more?

Join my Strength Switch - Online Positive Family Program. Discover practical ways on how you and your family can draw on your strengths to develop more self-compassion and build family happiness.